Do You Want to Be Made Well?

Do you want to be made well?

It’s the question Jesus asks the man lying by the pool of Bethesda in John 5 – a man who has suffered 38 years. And it’s the question I feel like He’s asking me today too.

It sounds like a no-brainer. OF COURSE I want to be made well. Of course I want peace and hope and wholeness of soul. Of course I want the pain to stop and the joy to flood in.

But then His eyes probe deeper and He asks me again…

“Do you? Do you WANT to be made well? Because that means I’m going to have to ask some things of you. And that means you’re going to have to trust Me and choose to walk them out.”

And I can’t help but think about the times we say we want to be made well physically, but then we choose not to move towards healing because we don’t want the things that may come with being made well.

We want to be made well, but we don’t want the discomfort of stripping down and feeling exposed in front of a doctor so they can see what’s really going on.

We want to be made well, but we don’t want the doctor to touch those wounded places. The ones that still have us limping along and wincing in pain.

We want to be made well, but like my girls when they were little, we don’t want to take any medicine that doesn’t taste good going down.

We want to be made well, but we don’t want to be cut wide open. We don’t want the doctor to operate.

We want to be made well, but we don’t want to let go of what we want. Like those unhealthy habits that comfort us in the short-term but are doing hidden and dangerous damage in the long-run.

And all of this challenges me. It reminds me that while the place of complete healing will ultimately feel good, the road that leads me there probably won’t. It may be uncomfortable. Painful. Inconvenient. Even downright hard. And what is true about healing my body carries over to healing my soul.

If I want my soul to be made well, I’m going to have to show up willingly naked and completely honest before the Lord. No pretending. No covering up. No playing off how deep the pain or how incredibly ugly the truth.

If I want my soul to be made well, I’m going to have to give Him permission to touch my wounded places. Even the ones that hurt the most.

If I want my soul to be made well, I’m going to have to take in and live out His Word daily. The words that go down bitter alongside the ones that taste so sweet.

If I want my soul to be made well, I’m going to have to sit still and let His Word cut me. Cutting into me so they can then heal me.

If I want my soul to be made well, I’m going to have to walk away from all that He asks me to walk away from. And not just “bad” things. It could also be seemingly good things that have slipped into a place of actually hurting me and continually holding me back.

And just to be honest about where I am, here are my current “tripping” points with the healing process:

1) I need to get a bit “nakeder” with the Lord, being brutally honest about some things deeply ugly.

2) I feel like He’s specifically asking me, “Do you want what you want, or do you want to be well?” Not gonna lie. I tend to want what I want. And…

3) I never realized how much I wrestle with the “inconvenience” of healing. I just want to get on with it and be done with it, ya’ know? This. Is. Slowing. Me. Down. Which leads to the question, “Where on earth am I trying to get to in such a hurry?”

Is there a place in your soul that has long needed healing? Have you caught yourself pulling back from the healing process instead of pressing in?

May we hear Jesus asking with love in His eyes and compassion in His voice, “Do you want to be made well?” And as we count the cost, may our answer be, “Yes, Jesus. I want to. I want to be made well. Show me where I’ve been avoiding the process of healing, and help me move forward today with hope.”

Love you friends,

Kimberly

 

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For the Woman Who Doesn’t Feel Pretty Enough to Have Any Worth or Do Any Good {Breaking the Potted Plant Mentality}

We live in a world obsessed with physical appearance. OBSESSED.

And there is this constant pressure on women. To be fresh off a magazine cover pretty. To be stylish and fashionably up-to-date. To be thin but still shapely. To have sexy legs and sexy eyes and sexy lips and even sexy hair. And if you’re well over 30? You better do something quick so you can look at least 10 years younger than you really are.

Goodness. Is it any wonder we end up feeling exhausted, discouraged, and like we’re never quite enough?

And if we’re not careful, we can begin to believe the lie that all we have to offer this world is what we look like. A lie that causes us to pull back in insecurity instead of reaching out in love. A barrier that keeps us from living up to our full potential. A prison that keeps us from doing and being all that God has designed us to do and be… all because we don’t feel attractive enough.

And I’ve had this word stirring in my heart for a few days now. A word for the prisoners. A word for the women shut down and immobilized by the lies of “you’re not lovely enough to have any worth or to do any good.” A reminder that we aren’t called to be pretty, little decorative plants. We are called to be TREES. Oaks of righteousness. Plantings of the Lord that He may be glorified. (Isaiah 61:3)

And where do trees grow? Outside. Not boxed in. Not walled in. Not within prison cells. They grow in wide open spaces where they can put down deep roots, growing tall and strong while they soak in both sun and rain.

Are there some trees that grow inside? Sure. Little Ficus trees. Decorative plants that are pleasing to look at, but don’t really offer us anything more. And that right there? That is NOT who you are.

Oh sweet sister, I pray you hear this and receive this… you were never designed to merely be something pretty to look at.

You are so much more than a decorative houseplant! You are so much more than a decorative office plant!!

Because I’m not talking about whether you are a stay-at-home woman or a work outside of your house kind of gal. This isn’t about where we work. It’s about the state of our soul. It’s about the fact we were made for more than being IMPRISONED by the lie that all we have to offer this world is a pretty face and a well-toned body wearing the latest and the cutest of clothes.

We were made to be trees. We are called to be trees.

Trees with roots planted deep in the love of Christ. Trees with arms reaching up to the heavens in praise to the Lord. Trees with arms reaching out to the lost and the lonely and the hurting. Trees that provide shade and a resting place for the weary. Trees that produce good fruit for the hungry and the hopeless. Trees that make the air a little sweeter and more breathable, simply because we’re around.

The Lord wants to deliver you and deliver me from the lies that are keeping us bound up and unable to love and live and serve in the ways He is calling us to do. The lies that are keeping us from living this life like the trees He designed us to be.

Let’s ask Him to do that today, sweet sisters. Let’s ask Him to bust us out of these potted plant prisons we’ve been trying to live and function in. Let’s ask Him to help us move outside of the walls that have been holding us back so we can bless the world with the beauty and the hope and the goodness He has placed within us. Let’s ask Him to bring us out into wide-open places, to deliver us because He delights in us. And then let’s put our roots down deep in the truth that we are fully and completely loved by Him – not because of the way we look, not because of the size of our body, not because of the way we dress – but purely because we are His.

I love you, beautiful friends. And I am praying the Lord will move each of us to the sweetest places of true freedom.

“He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me.” Psalm 18:19

Kimberly 
{Other verses to soak in: Isaiah 61:1-3; Zephaniah 3:17; Ephesians 3:14-21}

When We Can’t Seem to Stop Checking Our Phones

We are the waiters and the wishers.

Waiting on people to text us, email us, reply to our messages, call us back.
Wishing that someone would say something, anything to ease our pain.

And while the words of a friend may make us feel better, it’s the words of our Father that will set us free.

A fact that challenges me to sit still and truly listen. A truth that stirs a longing within me to hear His voice. Especially as I sit and read the words of Psalm 29.

Because this passage of Scripture, it spells out so beautifully what God’s voice is able to do. His voice and no other. And while it specifically details what it can do in nature, I know His voice can do amazing works in my own heart and life.

His voice that is powerful and mighty. (v.4)
His voice that breaks things and quakes things. (vs. 5-6)
His voices that flashes forth like fire. (v. 7)
His voice that shakes things and lays things bare. (v. 8)
His voice that causes new things to be birthed. (v. 9)

And, oh, how I need this in my own life. This breaking and this shaking. This igniting and this creating. Maybe you need these things too. That’s why I wanted to share this post.

Because sometimes we need to be reminded Who we most need to listen to and for.

And I wanted to share a prayer.

Because sometimes it helps to have our heart’s desire spelled out in words.

Lord, thank You for Your mighty and powerful voice. Give me ears to hear You. I long for Your voice to go out across the whole of my life. Let it BREAK things both off of me and within me. Breaking off lies and shame and burdens from my past that have long weighed me down. Breaking within me pride and foolishness and any power I still freely hand over to sin and the Enemy. Let Your voice resound with a great SHAKING and QUAKING – shaking off fear and doubt, causing anything I’m trying to build my life on that’s not lasting to crumble, leaving me so in awe of You that I cannot stand but instead must humbly hit my knees in worship and in praise. Let Your voice BURN within me – both IGNITING my heart and LAYING ME BARE. Burn away the chaff. Incinerate all that is worthless. Purge and purify me – making me good ground for new growth and igniting a holy passion within me. And let Your voice begin a fresh and creative work within me – BIRTHING new things in this heart You have so lovingly prepared, doing more than I would have ever dared hope or even ask. Speak, Lord, speak. With Your voice that breaks, Your voice that shakes, Your voices that ignites, Your voice that lays bare, Your voice that births new things. Speak and give me ears to hear. For Yours is the voice I long to hear. The voice of the One who gives strength to His people. The voice of the One who blesses us with peace.

Blessings dear friends. May your time with Him this week be sweet.

Kimberly 

Handing the Keys to Jesus {A Post on Learning to Live Like I’m Really His}

It would be completely absurd. Buying a new home and getting a list from the previous owner about what you can and can’t do.

“You can renovate the bathrooms, but not the kitchen. You can paint the kids’ rooms, but we’d prefer you not touch the master bedroom. You can add on a new patio, but definitely not a garage. Oh… and here is a list of the paint colors we’re okay with.”

Ridiculous, right? Because it’s your home now. You own it. You live in it. And yet, isn’t this exactly what we oh so easily slip into doing with the Lord?

“Sooooo… I know You paid for my life on the cross Jesus. You gave everything to purchase me and now I’m Yours. And I’m super grateful. I really am. BUT there are a few things I feel like we need to go over. You can mess with what I watch on TV, but I’m going to have to ask You to steer clear of my eating habits. You can move me to a new job, but I’m going to need it to stay in line with my own personal plans and dreams. I’m okay with being nicer to some people, but I would really like to keep the unforgiveness and bitterness I’ve been harboring towards you-know-who for years. And, I’m just thinking out loud here, but maybe You should just go ahead and run any and all changes by me first, ‘kay?”

I’m so convicted by this.

The beginning of 1 Corinthians 6:20 tells us we were “bought with a price [purchased with a preciousness and paid for, made His own].”

Are we receiving His gift of salvation, but then hedging on living like we’re His?

Are we fully handing these “houses,” these lives over to Him?

Are we trusting His love for us, the love that endured the cross for us, enough to let Him renovate, remodel, even gut as He sees necessary?

I don’t know what your answers are to those questions, but I know my own answers leave me needing to pray.

Oh, Jesus. I’m pretty sure I’m still holding on to the keys to this life You paid for. Sure, I let You come in. I let You visit. I take Your thoughts and plans into consideration. But I don’t know that I’ve ever let You fully have Your will and Your way in my life. Will You help me? Help me hand it all over to You, trusting that Your design, Your remodel will be better than anything I could ever come up with on my own. Help me remember that You are for me and not against me. That any changes You make are because You really do know what is best. Thank You for loving me enough to die for me. May that love work its way into my heart in such deep and real ways that I’m willing to fully live for You. In Your precious name I pray, Amen. 

So thankful for His grace.

Learning to live like I’m really His,
Kimberly 

When You Feel Like an Embarrassment to Jesus

Peter messed up. Not in private. In public. In front of God and everyone.
 
Sinking when he took his eyes off of Jesus.
Cutting off an ear that Jesus promptly replaced.
Promising to stick with Jesus and then denying Him – not once, not twice, but three times.
 
And goodness gracious do I ever feel like I get Peter. In my desire to live for Jesus, I feel like I’m constantly tripping up and getting out of sync with Him. Running ahead with misplaced zeal. Lagging behind from paralyzing fear. Ending up feeling sure that Jesus must be just about done with me because when am I ever going to get this living all out for Him thing right?
 
But Jesus does the same thing for me that He did for Peter. He invites me to sit with Him. To listen to Him. To give Him permission to lovingly redirect me. He helps me fix my eyes back on Him and Him alone.
 
And I keep thinking this morning about how Peter could have stopped. He could have given up. Embarrassed. Frustrated. His pride wounded. His faith shaken. But he didn’t. He humbly received both Jesus’ correction and His love.
 
And Jesus. He could have ripped all chances of ministry right out of Peter’s hands. Peter had certainly stumbled enough. But Jesus didn’t. He knew full well when He chose Peter how utterly and completely human he was. He knew how many times Peter would make a bit of a mess. But I believe He also saw how teachable Peter would be. How resilient. How willing to blow it in front of everyone for the sake of Christ he would be.
 
Sweet friend, I don’t know how many times you’ve blown it. I don’t know how many times you’ve been sure the Lord asked you to do something and then come to find out you were way off base. But I do want you to know this… that doesn’t mean Jesus is done with you. He fully knew you when He first chose you. Every weakness. Every mistake you would ever make. All of it. And He still said, “I want him. I want her. I choose you to minister love and hope in My name.”

He’s not embarrassed by you either. He’s still so glad He chose you. And He’s ever willing to dust you off with His unending grace and then help you keep moving forward with Him.

If you’re feeling a bit out of sync with Him right now, I hope you’ll do what Peter had to do. What I’m continually having to do.
 
Sit with Jesus.
 
Let Him course correct you where you need correction. Let Him love on you like no one else possibly can. Let Him recommission you. Let the Holy Spirit fill you afresh and then follow His lead. It’s okay if you’ve embarrassed yourself a thousand times in your zeal. God did mighty things through Peter – a man who pretty much embarrassed himself on the regular. And He can do mighty things through you and through me.
 

Keep living all out for Him, friend. And remember that we’re all going to stumble along the way.

Much Love,
Kimberly

When All You Want to Be Is Angry {Letting God Change the Composition of Your Heart}

notebookBlack marble composition notebooks.

They have been my prayer journal of choice for as long as I can remember. But it was many years before God showed me something hiding in plain sight, right there on the front cover.

I had come to Him with my journal in hand and a whole lot of hurt in my heart. Tears and angry words mingled on the lined paper as I poured out my pain. And instead of being met with a reprimand for the brutal honesty of my feelings, I sensed God’s “yes.”

“Yes, Kimberly. This is exactly what you need to do. Bring your hurt to Me first. Bring your pain and your questions to Me. When you do this, you’re doing what’s right there on the cover of your notebook.”

And that’s when I saw it. Plain as day. The two “i’s” in the word “composition” look like two little people, and between them is a “t”… a cross. And while I know it may sound a bit simplistic to some, it was exactly the encouragement I needed.

When I pray out my pain with God first, I’m positioning the cross between us. I’m putting Jesus between me and the person who has hurt me. I’m giving Him permission to remind me…

Of my own sin that placed Him there and my own need for grace.
Of the forgiveness I’ve freely received and must also freely give.
Of the truth that He loves us both and willingly died for each of us.
Of His ability and desire to do a deep work – not just in them, but in me.

And it’s what Jesus came to do. He came and positioned Himself between sinful me and a holy God, taking the wrath I deserved. Making a way for restored relationship. For restored hope and peace and joy.

And He’s Who we need to position between ourselves and the ones we want to pour out our wrath on. Letting Him do His healing and grace-filled work. Letting Him stand in with His love when we are struggling to drum up any of our own.

Because when we position Jesus between us, He changes the composition of our heart. Taking our bitterness and resentment. Healing us and making us whole. 

I don’t know who has hurt you. I don’t know who has caused you searing pain. But I do know it’s hard to stay angry when we’re brought to our knees by the tremendous love and sacrifice of Jesus.

Put the cross between you, sweet friend. And let Jesus speak first. Speaking love and hope and truth into your hurt before you utter words that will only serve to make things worse.

Truth I’m continually having to live out myself.

The Best Thing to Do at the End of a Hard Year

img_1684The Lord has had something stirring in my heart for a few weeks. Something that feels like a word of encouragement for the end of this year.

Because I think 2016 has been a hard year for a lot of people. I know it certainly hasn’t been the easiest one for my own family.

And whereas I sensed 2015 was a year of “leaving” – a year of asking God to unpack our bags of the heavy burdens we didn’t need to carry with us into the new year – I believe THIS is a year of “taking.”

Because while this has been a difficult year, God tells us that there is GOOD to be had in hard places. He strengthens us in those places. Gives us wisdom in those places. Reveals His faithfulness in those places. Pours out fresh hope in those places.

And it would be so tempting to look at 2016 and say, “Good riddance! Bring on a new year. Bring on a good year!!” But I sense God telling us not to leave this year without what is rightfully ours. To PLUNDER the dark places for the good He has provided.

Yes, the enemy tried to plunder our joy.
Yes, he tried to rob us of our strength.
Yes, he tried to steal every bit of our hope.

But our God is greater! He helped us keep getting back up. He helped us keeping moving forward. He filled our hearts and our mouths with fresh praise even though we felt sure we might never have reason to rejoice again.

So let’s not dare leave this year too quickly. Let’s not carelessly label it a loss and hastily move along. Let’s not leave empty-handed.

Let’s PLUNDER the year for all that was good, for all that was lovely, for all that is rightfully ours to carry on with us. Hard-won wisdom and hope and strength that will now carry us through when the enemy tries to steal from us again. Precious treasures that darkness tried to hide. The ones that are rightfully ours because we are beloved children of the Lord Most High.

Yes, friends. Yes. Let’s plunder the darkness and take what is ours.

I will give you the treasures of darkness
And hidden riches of secret places,
That you may know that I, the Lord,
Who call you by your name,
Am the God of Israel.”
Isaiah 45:3

{More verses to consider: James 1:2-4; Romans 5:3-5; Romans 8:28; Genesis 50:20}

Love & prayers,
Kimberly