Close Enough to Conceive {A Call to Intimacy with Our Savior}

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“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.” Revelation 3:20

I positioned myself near the front of the sanctuary as we worshiped on Sunday morning. I wanted to be close to Him. I longed to hear His voice.

When He spoke, it was a reminder. The reminder that we have as much of Him as we want. And as I continued to worship, I sensed a call to “open wide.” And with His nudge to open wide, He showed me the image of a door. I was standing on the inside of the door, and there was a chain lock on it. One of those small ones that allows you to open it just a crack. One where you can peek out at whoever is knocking, but they still can’t come in. One where you get to determine whether or not the person is safe before you grant them entrance. And I felt like He was saying that is what we so often do with Him.

We open our hearts and our lives to Him just a crack. Just enough to catch a glimpse of Him. Just enough for our hands to brush His while He passes us small tokens of His love. Just enough for our ears to hear His gentle whispers of love and affection.

But He wants us to open wide the door.

To let Him in fully.

Because Jesus did not save us for glimpses and mere hand-brushes; He died for the FULL EMBRACE.

He died so we can have intimacy with Him. So we can know Him and be known.

And I want to stop with the imagery there. I want to stop at a nice, neat and clean illustration that won’t offend anyone.

Hey, Jesus wants to dine with you – so let Him in.

But He wants even more than that. He wants more than a casual cup of coffee and a stale slice of coffee cake with you.

He longs for intimacy.

Deep intimacy.

Heart to heart intimacy.

The kind where seeds are planted and dreams are birthed.

And just as there cannot be conception with my spouse if there is not some {ahem} “closeness”, the Lord cannot plant the things He desires to plant in my heart if I do not have totally honest, heart-fully-bared times of intimacy with Him.

And while I may hesitate to share this next bit of revelation with you, I feel it is too important to keep to myself.

You see – this world provides methods of “protection.” Ways for a husband and a wife to be intimate but not conceive. And the Lord tenderly opened my eyes to see one day that, even though I have been choosing to spend intimate time with Him, I have been placing a protective layer around my heart.

“Birth control,” so to speak.

Yes, Lord, I love You. Yes, Lord, I long to be close to You. But I’m going to draw the line right here. Because I’m afraid. I’m afraid to dream with You.

 I’m afraid my dreams might be selfish.

I’m afraid my dreams might fail.

I’m afraid I might look foolish.

I’m afraid I might make YOU look foolish.

I’m afraid to get my hopes up.

So I’ll spend intimate time with You, but I’m still going to guard my heart. So no dream planting, okay?

This is such HUGE revelation for me. Because deep down I DO want to dream with God. I DO want to be all that He purposefully designed me to be. I DO want Him to do exceedingly abundantly above and beyond all that I can possibly ask or imagine according to His power at work within me (Ephesians 3:20-21).

Apparently, though, there are still days I keep a chain on my heart. One that only allows for small exchanges with my Savior. A chain with the word “fear” written on it. And on the days I do take that chain down and let Him close, apparently I still have another layer of protection up. One that is also spelled “f-e-a-r.”

And since that isn’t the life I really want – a safe and sterile one where I never experience true dream-planting intimacy with the One who loves me the most – I am going to have to choose to trust Him. Trusting His love. Trusting His plans. Trusting His ways. Trusting Him enough to spend times of true heart to heart intimacy with Him.

And when I unlock the door to let Him in? I also need to “lock the door” behind Him to keep other things out. I need to protect my time with Him. No phone checking. No computer checking. No allowing distractions to keep me from connecting with Him intimately.

I know this is kind of a risky post. Have. Mercy. Spiritual birth control?!?! But I think it is worth the risk if it causes even one other woman to let her guard down with the Lord. It is worth it if it encourages even one other person to get close enough to Him to “conceive.”

Today, I pray we will remember these truths:

He loves us. He loves us with a love that is safe and good and holy and pure.

He’s for us – always working all things together for our good. 

And His intentions towards us? They can be trusted.

I love you, dear friends. I pray that you will take some time to ask Him today what is keeping your heart locked to Him, what is keeping Your heart guarded when it comes to Him. Is it fear? Doubt? Past hurts? Offense? Lies you are believing about yourself or about Him? Past failed dreams? Ask Him. Ask Him to show you. And then ask Him to help you move those things out of the way.

Because you are beautiful to Him.

And He wants to birth great beauty – in you and through you.

He’s standing at the door knocking. Will you let Him in?

Much, much love,

Kimberly

{And if you want to read more about daring to dream, Glynnis Whitwer has an incredibly encouraging devotion HERE.}

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