The month of March held my very first ever (and hopefully my very last ever) case of vertigo.
Sweet mercy. For anyone who has ever had it or is currently struggling with it, I am so, so sorry. I had no clue.
The smallest head movement left me rushing to the bathroom to give back anything I had put in. (Oh, how I wish I were exaggerating.)
My only relief was to sit still. Oh, so very still with my eyes closed or looking straight ahead.
I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to talk. I. Just. Wanted. To. Be. Still.
Thankfully, medication and some gentle exercises allowed for slow improvement over the course of a week.
But if I can be totally honest, dealing with vertigo physically helped me identify with where this year has held some spiritual vertigo.
It was an “aha” moment of, “Oh. Yes. This is what I’ve been feeling spiritually. Like everything is spinning and I can’t get my bearings and I just. need. to sit. still.”
And I have been. I’ve been sitting still. I’ve been slowing down. I’ve been honest with the Father that there are days when I just don’t know what to say or do. That I feel confused.
Not about my faith as a whole. Just as keeping my eyes fixed on one point helped me when the room was spinning physically, keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus has been the one thing that has helped me as things have felt swimmy and spinny spiritually.
And I type all of this out because I want you to know there is NO SHAME in going through seasons of spiritual vertigo. Sometimes life hits hard and leaves our souls spinning, and we need the Lord to help us get our bearings. And admitting to ourselves and others that we need to slow down isn’t a sign of being a weak or poor Christian. It isn’t shameful.
It would have been foolish (and dangerous) for me to hop in my car and drive my girls to school. It would have been self-defeating to try to plow through my day as if nothing was wrong. I had no option other than to give my body time and space to heal.
And it’s the same spiritually.
If everything is spinning, friend… if you can’t tell up from down… you don’t have to keep plowing ahead like everything’s fine. Slow down. Come to a full stop in some areas if you need to. Fix your eyes firmly on Jesus. And ask Him what healing looks like in this season.
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3 (ESV)
Praying for you,